The Sanzo Incident REMIX
by NellySama
Summary: Mr. Sexy Pants? Hooman? What? WHAT! Hey! Where's Hakkai going, and why is Sanzo batman? Chapter 2 Now up!
1. Pillow

The Sanzo Incident REMIX

By: NellySama

A/n: …….They sing many a lovely song.

Warnings: OOC-ness, you love it so. Inuedo.. Ex-Dee man, Ex-Dee.

---

Chapter 1: Pillow. Happy Time. Hooman.

---

It was_ supposed_ to be a VERY quiet night, with no disturbances what so ever. NONE. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Ah, but of course, he was Sanzo, and when he wanted quiet something quite the opposite decided to happen. Why dammit why!?!!? All the great Sanzo wanted was some peace and quiet! All he'd been around for days is just noise, noise noise! Poor Sanzo. He'd even taken time before his wanted quiet time to send Gojyo and Goku very, _very_ far away. Then he sound proofed his room. When all of this was completed he lay in his bed, finally having quiet. Apparently the anti-quiet brigade had decided to put a black hole, dimensional rift thing right under Sanzo's pillow. Not cool! It was very loud, and now he was PILLOW-LESS! Does one not know how horrible that is?! Sanzo fumed, but he gave up and went outside, leaving the black hole to ravage his room.

Sanzo: -sneaks outside, trying to avoid people- Freaking A.

Suddenly Hakkai felt it necessary to appear on Sanzo's head.

Hakkai: Why hello good sir! –smile, smile, smile, twitch, so freaking happy smile-

Sanzo: …What the hell Hakkai! GET OFF MY HEAD! GAWD! –goes into a rage- I try and get peace and quiet today, but nuuuuuu everything hates me! DAMMIT! Oh, and also! A black hole ate my god damn pillow! –removes Hakkai from his head and is now shaking him angrily- MY FREAKING PILLOW MAN!!! –begins crying and throwing a fit- WAAAAAHHH!!

Hakkai: Aren't we lively today? –smiles wider, if that was at all possible.- There, there Sanzo. I have something to tell you.

Sanzo: You got me a new pillow!? –overjoyed-

Hakkai: Ah.. No.-is kicked in the face-

Sanzo: You little bitch! You had me all excited about getting a new pillow and you DON'T HAVE ONE!? GO TO HELL! –sniffles- …JERK! –runs off towards town-

Hakkai: -amazing not offened by any of this, and waves as Sanzo runs off- Aww, he's a fussy little bugger isn't he? Hmm….I suppose I should summon Gojyo and Goku back…that'd make Sanzo more mad and happy at the same time. –thinks.- Hm. Hm. Awesome.

Hakkai looks around his surroundings to make sure that no one is watching, then he claps his hands together and presses them on the ground.(A/n: Mm..Alchemy.) A gaping hole-vortex-swirly thing opens up and spews out Goku and Gojyo. The hole closes and all is together and well. Hakkai looks down at the two and notices that they are wearing _very_ familiar looking outfits…or lack thereof.

Goku:-jumps around happily- Hakkai! Hakkai! We were there again!

Gojyo: It was just like last time too. –nods-

Hakkai: -gasps- You mean…you guys were sent there?! Did Sanzo know where he sent you?

Goku: -shakes head- Nope! –starts taping his feet and bobbing his head…doing a weird little dance thing- Hare….Ha..Ha..Hare!! Harehetta! Haaaa HAREHETTA!!!

Hakkai: You guys suck ass. Suck ass hard! I can't believe you guys got to back.

Gojyo: Oh yeah, your little friend says hello.

Hakkai: You whore! You couldn't bring him back here! So I don't your goddamn relayed message! I'm going to find Sanzo and sulk with him dammit! Goodbye losers! BWAHAHAHA! –flies off with his little Evil Hakkai wings-

Gojyo: He…needs help.

Goku: Not as bad as your face.

Gojyo: What?

Goku: Huh?

Gojyo: What'd you say about my face?

Goku: What? Who in their right mind would talk about your face? –snicker-

Gojyo: Ooh you little…little…..CHESS PLAYER!

Goku: GASP! –gasps- HOW DARE YOU!

Gojyo: Oh! You and I both know it's true. These hula skirts damn well prove what went on during that time!

Goku: Hehee. –pauses- Oh yeah, _why_ didn't you bring Crabby? You know Hakkai misses him.

Gojyo: No way, I don't want to fight over Hakkai with a crab! That's…just…FISHY! HAHAHA.

Goku: ….-walks away-

Gojyo, sensing that he was going to be left alone in a temple of bald monks panicked and chased after Goku. But them BAM! Gojyo is drop kicked in the face by a very angry Sanzo.

Sanzo: Were you stalking my monkey?! –suddenly pulls out a pillow from inside his robes and jumps on the kappa and begins to beat him rather senselessly with it whilist screaming- MIINE MINE MIIIINE! TAKE THE PAIN BITCH! TAKE IT!

Goku: -horrified- …..

Hakkai appears and sees the scene in front of he and Goku. He notes that Goku and Gojyo were no longer wearing the hula skirts from the first Sanzo incident. Odd…when did that happen? Oh well. Since Sanzo would be beating up on the Kappa for awhile, Hakkai decided to treat Goku to ice cream. It was very convienient since some just appeared in their hands….but it was very messy. It was just ice cream, no bowl or cone..messy sticky fun.

Goku: Eww…but its yummy. But I don't like being sticky! WAH!! I need a hose!! –stands up, and a dramatic wind knocks Sanzo and Gojyo over-

Gojyo: 'Kay, what just happened?

Sanzo: Goku's all powerful standing aura knocked us over, that's what.

Gojyo: Ah. So are you done beating me?

Sanzo: Oh heavens no.

Gojyo: Oh alright, proceed if you will.

Hakkai: Are you guys on crack?

Sanzo: I'm not, Gojyo is. That's part of the reason why I'm beating him.

After a few hours of Gojyo beatings and a lovely brunch the group is now sitting around a quite lovely campfire. Goku looks like his deep in thought, and then his eyes light up, making Hakkai very suspicious. Gojyo would be too but he's dead…again. The adorable monkey of cuteness crawls his way next to Sanzo and stares him in the face.

Goku: -teary eyed- Sanzo….

Sanzo: yes?

Goku: WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!??!!

Sanzo: Of course I love you!

Goku: I don't believe you!

Sanzo: Fine if you don't believe me then I'll just have to prove it one way or another! –Stands up and points to the sky- I'll show you my love, like how they do in the movies! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hakkai: -gasp- Oh dear….I…I think I'll go for a walk, yes. That's what I'll do. –wanders away-

Goku: -very confused- How do they prove their love in the movies?

Sanzo: -evil, evil smile- Oh ho, you shall see little monkey. –glomps Goku-

From very far away Hakkai can hear the 'wondrous' sounds of Sanzo and Goku's Happy Time. Finding the noise rather distracting, he runs farther away until he finds a turtle…a glowing pink turtle. What the hell? He walks closer. It turns around and barks at him, and suddenly Hakkai is surrounded by thousands of glowing pink turtles!

Hakkai: Oh gawd! Why does this stuff always happen to me! WHY!! WHYYY! WHYYYYY!!!

Pinky: SILENCE HUMAN.

Hakkai: Hooman? What is a Hooman?

Pinky: You of course! Now silence puny Hooman! For I am PINKY! Master of Pink Turtle Land! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hakkai: … -dot dot dot-.

Pinky: Now! PREPARE TO DANCE!!

DUN DUN DUN

-

End Chapter 1

-

Review Please D.

Yeah yeah! Woot! Guess whose back? Back again! Nelly's back! Tell a friend!


	2. Mr Sexy Pants

The Sanzo Incident REMIX

By: NellySama

A/n: Yay Someone reviewed! I love you. Anyways. I'm getting back into the vibe of writing fanfics…in my weird style. You guys like it right? …Right? Anyways Chapter two.

Disclaimer:…I forgot…no..NO!!

Chapter 2: Mr. Sexy Pants.

_Last time on REMIX_

_Hakkai: Oh gawd! Why does this stuff always happen to me! WHY!! WHYYY! WHYYYYY!!!_

_Pinky: SILENCE HUMAN._

_Hakkai: Hooman? What is a Hooman?_

_Pinky: You of course! Now silence puny Hooman! For I am PINKY! Master of Pink Turtle Land! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!_

_Hakkai: … -dot dot dot-._

_Pinky: Now! PREPARE TO DANCE!!_

_Hakkai: …NO! I can't dance! NOOOOO!_

_Pinky: Ahahaha! Pathetic Human! We turtles can break-dance like no other!_

_Hakkai: -looks terrified- Someone please help me…._

**This Time..**

THUNK!

A turtle suddenly collapses. Hakkai looks around for the source, sees nothing. Nothing at all. Pinky ignores his fallen comrade, he has more. All is quiet.

Hakkai: Too quiet….

Pinky: What?

Hakkai: Huh?

Pinky: Were you talking to yourself?

Hakkai: Psh! No. –cough, cough- I-

But before Hakkai could explain himself any further, hordes of coconuts began to pour down from the sky. All of the turtles were destoryed by the falling coconuts. Hakkai and Pinky looked around confused, then Hakkai spotted a figure falling from the sky.

Hakkai: No way…

Pinky: Now way what? ALL OF MY MEN LADY TURTLES ARE GONE! How does that make you feel?!

Hakkai: Quiet! Someone is falling from the sky!

Pinky: Shut up! I don't care. Someone killed my followers!

Loud Booming Voice: I guess you're an Idiot, Mr. Pinky! Any smart person would know that who ever made the coconuts fall is the person who killed your minions of turtle-dom!

Smaller Loud Booming Voice: Ahaha! Never fear Hakkai!

Two figures appear on top of a rock; both appear to be wearing skirts, one carrying a wand. Two search lights lock onto them revealing…

Sanzo: We are the smiters of evil turtles!

Goku: And in the name of the Sun! –Spins around- We shall punish you!

Hakkai: -eyes widen at the sight of them- Its Sailor Monkey and…and.. Oh my god! It can't be! –Squeals like a little girl- LORD OF THE COCONUTS!

Sanzo: That's right, bitches! Now give me the ring turtle-man! –Holds out his hand, his grass skirt flowing in the wind.-

Pinky: NEVER! I'll never give it to you!

Goku: EW. I hope not! –Drop kicks the turtle and a glowing blue ring falls to the ground-

Hakkai: ….

Sanzo: -shakes his head- I was going to get it, you know.

Goku: Really?

Sanzo: Yeah.

Hakkai: AH! FUCKING KAREN!

Sanzo: Excuse me! We're trying to keep the rating teen here!

Hakkai: WELL ITS FUKCING KAREN!

Goku: Who?

Hakkai: Some stupid 'hooman' at work keeps calling me Mr. Sexy Pants. –tugs at his pants- Do these look sexy to you?! SEXY FREAKING PANTS?! HUH!? HUH?

Sanzo: …There's always a Karen…

Goku: HOLY MONKEY GODZILLAS BATMAN! THE RING ITS FLOATING! –hides-

Sanzo: ……what?

Goku:…sorry, for some reason I thought you were batman…..

Hakkai: Alright...well I'm going to go find a way to bring Gojyo back to life.

Sanzo: Why the fuck do you bother? We all know that he's going to come back anyways.

Goku: Yeah seriously. But Hakkai, what could you be looking for?

Hakkai: Something…-looks around- Ahem….

Sanzo: NO Hakkai! NO! No dimensional crossing! No!

Goku: WHAT?! WHAT?! GOD DAMMIT WHAT! I CAN"T TAKE ALL THE SUSPENCE!!! AUUUUGGGHH! –jumps in a whole-

Sanzo: ….Hakkai……..well…We all support you whatever your choices are! Yeah! Good luck with whatever..

Hakkai: Mhm….jerks.

And so Hakkai walks off into the distance, now on a dangerous journey to find…A thing…that You wont get to find out until the next chapter, because the author is evil like that.

--End Chapter 2.

Review Review Please. I need reviews or else I wont update! I mean it.


End file.
